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After reaching this point, I decided to ask someone else out. I could allow the relationship to develop naturally, free from internal pressures and anxieties. And I still struggled to keep myself from sizing up dating prospects. That didn't mean I was quite ready to buy a ring, though.

In that context, I began learning whether we were compatible and could ultimately go the distance. Not because either of us failed to clear the bar, but because we weren't right for each other. The difference is, I no longer gave those judgments much weight, whereas before they were . Instead of the "perfect" spouse, now I wanted to find a person with whom I enjoyed sharing life. At the time, I had a coworker who although beautiful, didn't seem like a perfect match for me. We met each other's family and talked about our future. We still had a journey to travel before getting married.

The other person had to love God and be beautiful in my eyes, both inside and out. Could we open our hearts, exposing our hurts and wounds? So we went on a second date, and a third date, and a fourth date ... We loved each other, sensed God drawing us together, and wanted to live life with one another. Really, that's the only reason anyone should get married.

In exchange for the seemingly endless list of qualities, though, I evaluated the relationship itself as we got to know one another. until after a month of dating, we decided to date exclusively. Not because marriage is the fulfillment of some personal goal or life plan, but because God is calling you to love another person as Christ loves us — sacrificially and unconditionally.

But this zero-sum mentality leaves us in a precarious position, since, according to this definition, dating is always unsuccessful — until the one time it's not.

That's not to say dating anyone other than your future spouse isn't worthwhile. Even after answering these questions satisfactorily, I never really stopped asking them.

Faster than anticipated, our relationship developed into the most serious I had ever been in.

Use your mobile phone to browse singles, view profiles and see photos on our dating website.

In short, I had to abandon my search for a soulmate. I learned about her story and priorities, quirks and sense of humor, passions and interests, faith and family. No longer consumed with figuring out whether I would one day marry this woman, I finally had space to enjoy dating her and discovering what made her tick.

There's no denying what you already know: Dating is hard.

It can be awkward and uncomfortable, exhausting and discouraging.

I found myself asking these questions not too long ago. Not only is this idea unbiblical, it ends up placing too much pressure on us to find a spouse.

After a string of unsuccessful relationships, I realized I couldn't continue dating in the same way. For years I had been obsessed with finding my wife. If there's one perfect person we're destined to marry, we'd better get it right. The problem is, there's no such thing as perfection, nor is there one person who can entirely satisfy us.

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