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The positive result almost didn't compute at first.I kept asking the nurse who took me upstairs at the Margaret Sanger Center in the East Village for a second blood test to confirm the rapid test result.For a while, I either didn't disclose my status at all or disclosed way too late for a number of reasons.Shame and fear was a part of it, but even more so I think there was a part of me that wanted to pretend that HIV hadn't happened to me.For me, "dating," was basically a euphemism for casual sex.
When a person goes on treatment — I take one pill a day — undetectable is the goal.
But as a single heterosexual woman, I have the added challenge when dating of convincing men, who are often just as naive as I used to be, that they can be intimate with me.
It feels like I have to twist someone's arm to see past my HIV viral load.
(He was negative, and had been getting tested his entire life.) We broke up within the year.
There was a positive aspect to my HIV, though I didn't know that then.