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Posted by / 12-Jan-2020 07:13

Dating trouble

Until men can provide for a family, Birch finds, they don’t feel comfortable dating seriously or making a lifelong commitment.

And no matter how much men say they want an equal partner, a woman who’s smart and independent, studies find that such women often make men feel emasculated or inferior.

Birch and I spoke about her book last week; the following interview has been edited for clarity and length.

How did you decide that this was the question you wanted to interrogate?

There’s a lot of survey data that said men were really into these smart career women.

But I looked around at who was struggling with dating, and they tended to be that type.

I’ve had guys get into one-upping matches with me on dates. Why do men have trouble committing to women who seem to be the whole package, or as you call them: the End Goal?

And then Lora Park had research that came out in 2015 that showed psychological distance matters a lot. “Psychological distance” has to do with when you’re thinking about something as an abstract concept.

For example, there are a lot of pros to smart, independent career women.

She does more than blame online dating’s flakiness and an abundance of choice — which singles have been living through and reading about for years.

Rather, Birch finds an explanation in the enduring pressure men feel to be providers, even in an era when, in about a third of married or cohabiting couples, women bring in half or more of the household’s earnings.

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And an explanation for why seemingly good matches fall apart or never come to fruition.

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